Post by UndeadNed on Apr 15, 2010 22:13:28 GMT -5
Another Funny article from Cracked.com, that talks about different Apocalypse Scenarios whether they play to the Day After, or Last Man on Earth Scenario. Here's their Entry for the Zombpocalypse
Rest of Article Here: LINK
-Definitely worth checking out.
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Despite modern fiction trends, the zombie apocalypse probably won’t involve fast zombies. Slow undead put enough strain on science, let’s not further complicate things by pretending that a shambling pile of rigor mortis and congealed blood would have a top speed over two miles-per-hour.
The Day After Stage
Personal Trait Needed: Foresight
Most zombie survival plans involve barricading yourself up or climbing to the top of a structure and destroying the stairs. Well have fun starving to death in a fog of rotting stench while the dead shriek at you. Above all, you want to stay mobile. If zombies are on the move, a properly-balled person can smash through a small crowd of them. If you let them pack in around you, you’re either in a machine gun nest or about to die.
It’s fun to think of places to loot, but the truth is, once the city’s employees are undead, no one is around to put out fires. And if your city isn’t on fire, that’s because the people who work the flood control facilities are also undead and it’s now underwater. Basically, once you hear a newscaster say anything remotely close to “rabies victims” or “the attacker was earlier declared dead by doctors,” get the fuck out of the city. You can take the highway, but only if you want to spend three days in traffic and then several years as a living corpse trying to bite people from your seat belt.
LME Stage (Last Man on Earth Stage)
Personal Trait Needed: Close-Quarters-Combat
This is really the sweet spot of any apocalypse–you against a world of zombies. You shouldn’t have to worry so much about food if you’re out and mobile. Food will be everywhere since no one is alive to eat it. Practically every structure you come across will be the scene of a less successful Last-Man-on-Earth and stocked with their overly ambitious food supply. Don’t worry about ammunition either. Even if you were lucky enough to get to the shooting range or the gun store before everyone else thought of it, you’ll be out of bullets long before the zombies are out of zombies. Also, if anyone tells you they can stare down an army of undead and isolate headshot targets, keep asking them questions. I have a feeling they also have a 25-inch dick and they once crashed their motorcycle and swear-to-God flew 300 feet.
While John Rambo up there is using his gun to call nearby swarms of walking dead, you’ll want something more along the lines of a crowbar or a hatchet. They can destroy an undead skull, fit in one hand and are handy for other things like going through doors and barricades. Practical advice aside, you’ll really want to make it your own. Get crazy with it. Without electricity or other humans, all you have to do is read the occasional book and kill the dead. Above all, don’t stare at your belt and contemplate suicide like a masturbating celebrity. Build an elaborate trap or make a list of objects that you haven’t killed zombies with yet. The best final thought you can have is, “That would have been so awesome if it had worked.”
Rest of Article Here: LINK
-Definitely worth checking out.
===========
...
Despite modern fiction trends, the zombie apocalypse probably won’t involve fast zombies. Slow undead put enough strain on science, let’s not further complicate things by pretending that a shambling pile of rigor mortis and congealed blood would have a top speed over two miles-per-hour.
The Day After Stage
Personal Trait Needed: Foresight
Most zombie survival plans involve barricading yourself up or climbing to the top of a structure and destroying the stairs. Well have fun starving to death in a fog of rotting stench while the dead shriek at you. Above all, you want to stay mobile. If zombies are on the move, a properly-balled person can smash through a small crowd of them. If you let them pack in around you, you’re either in a machine gun nest or about to die.
It’s fun to think of places to loot, but the truth is, once the city’s employees are undead, no one is around to put out fires. And if your city isn’t on fire, that’s because the people who work the flood control facilities are also undead and it’s now underwater. Basically, once you hear a newscaster say anything remotely close to “rabies victims” or “the attacker was earlier declared dead by doctors,” get the fuck out of the city. You can take the highway, but only if you want to spend three days in traffic and then several years as a living corpse trying to bite people from your seat belt.
LME Stage (Last Man on Earth Stage)
Personal Trait Needed: Close-Quarters-Combat
This is really the sweet spot of any apocalypse–you against a world of zombies. You shouldn’t have to worry so much about food if you’re out and mobile. Food will be everywhere since no one is alive to eat it. Practically every structure you come across will be the scene of a less successful Last-Man-on-Earth and stocked with their overly ambitious food supply. Don’t worry about ammunition either. Even if you were lucky enough to get to the shooting range or the gun store before everyone else thought of it, you’ll be out of bullets long before the zombies are out of zombies. Also, if anyone tells you they can stare down an army of undead and isolate headshot targets, keep asking them questions. I have a feeling they also have a 25-inch dick and they once crashed their motorcycle and swear-to-God flew 300 feet.
While John Rambo up there is using his gun to call nearby swarms of walking dead, you’ll want something more along the lines of a crowbar or a hatchet. They can destroy an undead skull, fit in one hand and are handy for other things like going through doors and barricades. Practical advice aside, you’ll really want to make it your own. Get crazy with it. Without electricity or other humans, all you have to do is read the occasional book and kill the dead. Above all, don’t stare at your belt and contemplate suicide like a masturbating celebrity. Build an elaborate trap or make a list of objects that you haven’t killed zombies with yet. The best final thought you can have is, “That would have been so awesome if it had worked.”
